Jokes and riddles

gangstA_uk · Post by **gangstA_uk** » 09-01-2006 20:49

whatcha mean?

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 09-01-2006 20:52

/me bangs head against wall

gangstA_uk · Post by **gangstA_uk** » 09-01-2006 20:54

grr why me why the little kid *commits suicicde*

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 09-01-2006 20:58

great, 10 yr old emo

gangstA_uk · Post by **gangstA_uk** » 09-01-2006 21:03

odnt worry im not gonna commit suicide i was jus jokin no need to try and kick me out for bein under 13 before u THINK im gonna commit suicide, i wouldnt really commit suicde its called humour

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 17:11

A Moderator goes for skydiving lessons.
Sysop (instructing) says, "It's very simple. You leap out of the plane, and you pull the
ripcord. If nothing happens, you pull the emergency cord. It's that easy."
The Moderator goes up in the plane, jumps out, and completely forgets. He's got no
idea what to do.
He's like, "Zooomm!"
All of a sudden, he passes an Administrator coming up.
The Moderator says, "Hey, man...you know anything about parachutes?"
The Administrator says, "No. You know how to light a gas stove?"

Messy · Post by **Messy** » 10-01-2006 17:40

I don't get it!

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 10-01-2006 19:14

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 19:29

sowwy

uhm when the admin tried to cook he blew the gas stove and went flying

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 19:32

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey motioned "Screwing."
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 10-01-2006 21:33

oh I see, so we are back to the lame jokes then

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 21:41

trying not to post long ones

Visiting the zoo one day, a lady noticed one of the kangaroos had a huge set of balls. She couldn't believe the size of these hummers, and when the 'roo ventured close to the bars of the enclosure, she reached thru the bars and gave his 'nads a squeeze.
The animal, startled, jumped clear over the fence and bounded away down the path.
A keeper saw the critter fading out of sight, and running up to the woman, said "What did you do to that kangaroo?"
"I just gave his nuts a tweak to see if they were real!" she wailed.
"Well," said the keeper, dropping his pants, "you'd better tweak mine, 'cause I have to catch that fucker"!

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 10-01-2006 21:53

ok that one got a giggle

I'm running out of em though, I have like 826856 lame ones but I will spare you guys ^^

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 21:56

oh do tell :p

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 21:57

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet the dedicated wife stayed by his bedside every single day.
When the husband finally came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As the wife sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me."
The husband continued, "When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck. Why don’t you fuck off."