Jokes and riddles

slimshady · Post by **slimshady** » 10-01-2006 22:32

lol !

a guy is in a bar at the top of a very high building. He has a beer can in his hand, and is totally drunk. a woman, also drunk, approaches the guy and asks him about what he's drinking. the guy grins, "it's a magical kind of beer!" he answers. the woman seems interested: " magical?? how?". "I'll show you" the man goes to the window and jumps from up the building!
5 mns later he enters the bar, not even injured. The woman is totally amazed. "Wow! how did you do that???!!!" " I told you, it's the beer, it's magical..". So the woman runs to the barman, and asks him with a very excited tone to give him a beer like the one the guy is drinking. She takes it, drinks it all, then goes to the window and jumps!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... BOUM!" she lands on her face and dies. The barman seems really annoyed, he goes to the man, grabs his beer can, and tells him : "Superman.. Fuck off!"

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 10-01-2006 22:55

personal favourite

:
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked.

Eka · Post by **Eka** » 11-01-2006 16:54

A big white horse walks into a bar. The barman says to the horse " 'Ere, we have a whiskey named after you." The horse says "yeah, what is it?" The barman replies "Erics"

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 11-01-2006 17:28

Eka · Post by **Eka** » 11-01-2006 19:04

Oh sorry, I forget the only jokes posted here are by 11 year olds who only understand double entendres.

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 11-01-2006 19:06

joke was ROBBED !!!!
BB fan omg lol wtf bbq !!111!!!

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 11-01-2006 23:25

Eka wrote: Oh sorry, I forget the only jokes posted here are by 11 year olds who only understand double entendres.

nice joke.

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 12-01-2006 21:38

nah Eka the jokes here seem to be ROBBED from Barrymore

Eka · Post by **Eka** » 13-01-2006 16:47

SILENCE

BunnyS · Post by **BunnyS** » 13-01-2006 16:51

haha

NoSexualFreak · Post by **NoSexualFreak** » 13-01-2006 18:07

Two Essex girls walk into a department store, They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace"
"Yeah what's it called?"
"Viens a moi"
"VIENS A MOI”, what the does that mean?
At this stage the assistant offers some help.
"Viens a moi ladies is French for 'come to me'"

Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

Messy · Post by **Messy** » 13-01-2006 19:05

..lol

gangstA_uk · Post by **gangstA_uk** » 13-01-2006 19:36

ok look at thjis riddel A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

Messy · Post by **Messy** » 13-01-2006 20:38

He probably wrote down 'your exact weight'

meep98324 · Post by **meep98324** » 13-01-2006 22:20

okay, here's a set of mini riddles. they all go together, sequentially.
1. how do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
2. how do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
3. there is a meeting of all of the animals in the animal kingdom. the lion is hosting. which animal does not show up?
4. you are trying to cross a pirahna infested river. there is no bridge, you have an open leg wound, and there's no raft or floating object on either side of the riverbank to get you across. how do you cross without getting eaten by the pirahnas?
5. at the animal kingdom, the lion gets hungry, but he promised not to eat any of the animals at the meeting. what does he do?