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That's really nasty ...

funny though

Heres one for the men

Whats thie difference between your bonus and your penis?

Your wife always blows your bonus.

A man walks into the bar and asks for six double vodkas.
"SIX!" exclaims the barman "what are you celebrating?"
"My first blowjob" replies the man.
"Well in that case you can have a seventh for free." says the barman.
"Well" says the man "if six of them don't get rid of the taste then nothing will"

Now for a non sex related joke.

A man is driving along and he sees a sign at the side of the road.
TALKING DOG FOR SALE
The man cannot resist so he pulls over and asks about the dog.
He gets shown through to the back garden where a black labrador is sitting calmly in on the grass.
"Hello" says the man.
"Hello" replies the dog.
"Wow!" exclaims the man. "How did you learn to talk?"
"well" says the dog "I was trained by a secret organisation so that I could sit in on secret meetings between spies from foreign countries as nobody would ever suspect a dog. But one day I was kidnapped and held in a bunker for three months until I escaped using a secret tunnel. I then returned to this country but I could not go back to my job as another dog had been trained in my place. So I wandered through the streets until that man adopted me."
Thrilled by this tale the man walks over to the owner and asks how much the dog is.
"Five pounds" says the owner.
"Five pounds!" says the man "thats a bit cheap for a talking dog. Why aren't you selling it for more?"
"Because he's a liar" says the owner "he didn't do any of those things"

A woman bring a very limp duck in the veterinary surgery and lays it on the table. The vet takes out a stethoscope and holds it to the duck chest.
"I'm sorry but your pet has passed away" says the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" says the lady "you haven't done any tests it could just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolls his eyes and leaves. A few second later he brings in a black labrador. The dog looks at the duck and shakes its head sadly. He takes away the dog and returns with a cat which also shakes its head sadly.
"Ok, how much do I owe you?" asks the woman sadly.
"£300" says the vet
"Three hundered pounds just to find out that my duck is dead!" shouts the lady
"Well if you'd taken my word it would only have cost £30." says the vet "but with the lab report and the cat scan it costs £300"

Yey I got 4 's

Now, that was funny!:lol:

Another joke

A man loses his job and cannot find another job. His wife cannot find a job either so eventually the man tells his wife that she will have to become a prostitute. That night she is standing on a street corner when a man walks up to her and asks.
"How much?"
"Hold on a second" says the woman, she runs home and asks her husband how much.
"£20" says the husband.
So the wife rund back and tells the man. The man empties his pockets and says "what can I get for £7?"
"hold on a second" says the woman, and she runs back to the house and asks
"For £7 he can have a hand job." says the husband.
So the wife runs back and tells the man.
"ok" says the manand pulls out his penis which is gigantic.
"hold on a second" says the wife and runs home.
she then asks her husband "can I borrow £13?"

Ouch!