I'm a Systems Administrator
Posted: 27-05-2004 02:11
I'm a Systems Administrator, commonly reffered to as SysAdmin or
sysadmin. Either form is correct.
When computers break, people call me and expect me to come and fix them.
Usually I can do this. When I can't, I will scream and curse at the
hardware
and the operating system, and tell the users that I can't help them. If
they
don't like my answer, I tell them there's nothing I can do and that they
just
have to live with it. If they complain to my boss, I delete their
account
and forge mail in their name, threatening the CEO of the company.
If the computers are slow or the network is congested, I must find a new
way
to make them faster. I am relied upon to perform miracles, making 486
PC's
perform like pentium Pro's and Sparc 1's like Ultra II's. I am called
upon
to get 100-BaseT performance on our 10-baseT ethernet, and store 10GB of
data
on a 2GB disk. I am constantly buying newer, faster and better computers
so that my users can play "Doom" on their lunch breaks.
I work regular hours, from 8AM to 5PM, but skip lunch. I then go home to
work
during my free time from 5PM to midnight, at which point I am on call
until
8AM the next morning. I do this 8 days a week 13 months a year.
I survive on vending machines, pizza and beer, and alleviate boredom by
playing with sharp, pointy objects and firearms.
I install new programs on the servers so that my users can benefit from
advances in technology. I test each program to make sure it works, or
blame
the programmers for the bugs that my users find. I am constantly talking
with
software vendors on the phone, asking for more licenses so that more of
my
users can start a program and leave it running all day long without
actually
doing work in it. When we run out of licenses, I randomly pick users I
don't
like, and kill their sessions. When they complain, I blame it on a
software glitch.
I am in charge of all I see. When users want new computers or new
software,
they must bow down to me and ask nicely or I will install buggy, alpha
versions
to make them miserable and blame the problems on lack of headcount.
I make sure my users follow proper security procedures. I check their
accounts
for bad passwords and security holes, exploiting each one for my own
personal
gain. I encrypt sensitive data on our disks, and then forget the
encryption
key for added security. I backup all project data onto 8mm tape. I buy
twice as may 8mm tapes as I will actually need, and use the extras in
my camcorder.
When users have questions, I give them answers. On occasion, when I am
in a
good mood, I will give them the correct ones.
I am invelnerable to all forms of attack. I have root on Payroll's
mainframe.
Staffing's, too. Problem employees are mysteriously terminated. I
receive
frequent raises.
I am Systems Administrator
sysadmin. Either form is correct.
When computers break, people call me and expect me to come and fix them.
Usually I can do this. When I can't, I will scream and curse at the
hardware
and the operating system, and tell the users that I can't help them. If
they
don't like my answer, I tell them there's nothing I can do and that they
just
have to live with it. If they complain to my boss, I delete their
account
and forge mail in their name, threatening the CEO of the company.
If the computers are slow or the network is congested, I must find a new
way
to make them faster. I am relied upon to perform miracles, making 486
PC's
perform like pentium Pro's and Sparc 1's like Ultra II's. I am called
upon
to get 100-BaseT performance on our 10-baseT ethernet, and store 10GB of
data
on a 2GB disk. I am constantly buying newer, faster and better computers
so that my users can play "Doom" on their lunch breaks.
I work regular hours, from 8AM to 5PM, but skip lunch. I then go home to
work
during my free time from 5PM to midnight, at which point I am on call
until
8AM the next morning. I do this 8 days a week 13 months a year.
I survive on vending machines, pizza and beer, and alleviate boredom by
playing with sharp, pointy objects and firearms.
I install new programs on the servers so that my users can benefit from
advances in technology. I test each program to make sure it works, or
blame
the programmers for the bugs that my users find. I am constantly talking
with
software vendors on the phone, asking for more licenses so that more of
my
users can start a program and leave it running all day long without
actually
doing work in it. When we run out of licenses, I randomly pick users I
don't
like, and kill their sessions. When they complain, I blame it on a
software glitch.
I am in charge of all I see. When users want new computers or new
software,
they must bow down to me and ask nicely or I will install buggy, alpha
versions
to make them miserable and blame the problems on lack of headcount.
I make sure my users follow proper security procedures. I check their
accounts
for bad passwords and security holes, exploiting each one for my own
personal
gain. I encrypt sensitive data on our disks, and then forget the
encryption
key for added security. I backup all project data onto 8mm tape. I buy
twice as may 8mm tapes as I will actually need, and use the extras in
my camcorder.
When users have questions, I give them answers. On occasion, when I am
in a
good mood, I will give them the correct ones.
I am invelnerable to all forms of attack. I have root on Payroll's
mainframe.
Staffing's, too. Problem employees are mysteriously terminated. I
receive
frequent raises.
I am Systems Administrator
